Is blogging for me?

This is the second of my posts in a series I think of 'writing is hard'. The first was 'writing a blog is hard'; at the time, I was feeling productive and was planning to write lots of posts; that was 28th January, and since then, I haven't written one post. This is mainly due to trying to buy a new house, on top of working full-time and still doing a lot of the child care. But it is also because writing, and writing pubically, is very hard.

So why am I finding it so difficult, and will I keep at it:

1. Writing is hard. Writing well is almost impossible (for me) - I write for work all the time, but it doesn't come easily. As an aside, I basically couldn't read until I was 11, which might explain a lot.
2. Time and real aspirations - I don't have much spare time; I've covered this elsewhere on the site. But that doesn't really explain it. I started the blog with the intention it was just for me. But I suspect that time is an excuse. If the site is really is just for me, why am I so worried about the writing being good. If I'm honest with myself, I think the fact I had a hard couple of years might mean great literature just flowed out. But why should that be the case? I wasn't a great writer before. Why should I be one? Because I haven't had a lot of sleep in two years. In reality, writing is a craft, and I need to put my back into it. I will never be great, but I can be a lot better.
3. My voice and being heard - related to the above, is that I think I probably do want to be heard. I want people to read my work and be impressed and interested. More generally, it's been a very lonely two years, and I just want people to hear me. But I need to be honest, have I got anything to say. I do worry that I am just another middle-aged white guy. And I don't want to be one of those angry ones shouting into the internet. So, I will keep on trying for now, but if I realise I'm not saying anything helpful to me or others, I'm just going to stop.
4. Distraction and technology - I suspect that I am not the only person trying to write a blog who gets distracted by the technology and doesn't just get on and write good content. I went down a silly rabbit hole of redesigning the site, then got obsessed with moving over to Ghost and using Notion. But I have decided to keep it simple, to stop changing technology and just write good posts. If I can get that working, I can always change the technology later.
5. Good bits - Like most of my posts, I do realise they are a bit negative. But there are bits of writing the blog I am enjoying. It has made me start reading again about blogging and, more importantly, the content. Irrespective of the above point, I have enjoyed learning about the technology (if only on an elementary level); I know Squarespace (update: since writing this post, I have moved over to Ghost, unsurprisingly I have written a post outlining my reasons and experience) is never going to m lots of tech cred, but it's been fun. Most importantly, it has helped with the original intention as a mini, cheap therapeutic exercise. Maybe one day it will become something more.

So will I keep at it? Yes, I think so. I have a long list of post ideas. I need to make time to research and write thoughtfully. Probably at this stage, I need to ignore what possible readers may think. Especially as there aren't any!!

Writing a blog - The above post is part of a series I am trying to write, recording the progress (or lack of) of setting up and writing the blog itself. Maybe that is a little self-indulgent. But it might help someone else, and I have actually been enjoying the process.