The best bars in the West End, for a man of taste
Five West End Bars Where Tarquin Might Misplace His Cufflinks (and Possibly His Moral Compass)
As told by Tarquin Montague Harpendale-Smythe — bon vivant, amateur philosopher, and man who once challenged a barman to a duel over the garnish on a Sidecar.
Oh gosh, aren't Chris’s posts earnest and serious? I realise that is somewhat the vibe here on Substack, but everyone needs to let their hair down. I know for a fact Chris has... in the long ago past. Otherwise, why would I still call him my friend, with his silly left-leaning views and fondness for East London?
When people say London’s too expensive, what they really mean is they’ve been drinking in the wrong postcode. Step away from the overcrowded rooftop with “views” of a Pret signage and into the world of West End bars—those serene little pockets of poured velvet and polished glassware where the martinis are made tableside and the loos have coat-hooks made of brushed gold.
Here, then, are five establishments in which to sip, recline, plot, and—if one must—atone.
The Connaught Bar
Carlos Place, Mayfair, London W1K 2AL
The Connaught doesn’t serve cocktails. It serves ceremony. Tucked inside the iconic hotel, this bar is a masterclass in everything the rest of London is trying far too hard to be: elegant, intimate, and just the right side of theatrical. The martini trolley alone deserves its own BAFTA. If you haven’t been yet, what exactly have you been doing with your evenings?
What to order: A dry martini with a flourish of Amalfi bitters.
What to wear: Anything that makes you feel like an extra in The Crown.
Dukes Bar
35 St James's Place, London SW1A 1NY
Home of the famous martini that inspired James Bond and ended more evenings than we care to count. At Dukes, you don’t just get a drink—you get a warning. “Two per person,” they say, with the weariness of someone who’s seen what happens to those who ignore it. The whole place smells faintly of cedarwood, scandal, and well-earned self-delusion.
What to order: The Vesper. Sip slowly. Then stand up very, very carefully.
Vibe: If MI6 ran a gentleman’s club with strong opinions on vermouth.
The American Bar at The Stafford
16-18 St James's Place, London SW1A 1NJ
Less well known than its glitzier cousins, and all the better for it. It’s an odd but charming blend: leather armchairs, baseball memorabilia, bourbon neat, and waiters who remember your name even when you don’t. A perfect spot for a third date or a discreet exit strategy from your fourth.
What to order: A Sazerac, ideally while making a mild declaration of love.
Best time to go: Weeknights, after 9pm, when the ghosts come out.
Claridge’s Bar
Brook Street, Mayfair, London W1K 4HR
Impossibly polished and gloriously restrained. If The Connaught is a poem, Claridge’s is a signature scent—quiet, complex, and lingering. This is where billionaires come to feel subtle. You’ll sit on a banquette so plush it may well sigh as you settle in.
What to order: A glass of something French and expensive. Let the bartender decide.
Dress code: Not officially required, but spiritually: immaculate.
Bar Termini
7 Old Compton Street, Soho, London W1D 5JE
One must slum it occasionally. It builds character. Bar Termini is a postage-stamp-sized café-bar hybrid serving impossibly good Negronis and even better espressos. It’s where east London creatives come to pretend they’ve always liked Soho, and where Tarquin once accidentally joined an after-hours gallery opening by ordering a drink “with a narrative arc.”
What to order: Negroni Rosato. Trust the bottle.
Stay duration: Under 45 minutes, ideally just long enough to miss the last Central line train on purpose.
Final Thoughts
London is not short on places to drink. But these aren’t just bars—they’re little temples to elegance, memory, and mild intoxication. Whether you’re in need of a first-date miracle or somewhere to raise a glass to your own cleverness, this list will see you through.
Next up: Tarquin shops for a smoking jacket. One that whispers old money but not unpleasant views about the gold standard. Watch this space.